Letters to You

To my dearest,

I really miss you so bad. I know you are here with me, in front of me. But at the same time, you are not here. You are not you. I don’t know what i supposed to do. Maybe I got some troubles with myself. Maybe I just want to be the center of your attention. But I just don’t really think so. I just want you to look at me. Here, in front of you. Have you?

It’s not the only thing i concern about you. Please, sit here and relax. You can’t find your life there. Where is your gentle voice that tell us some wise words and calm the whole family? Where is your beautiful and calm eyes? Where is your peaceful smile? Where are you?

Thanks for coming into my life. Thank God who sent you to hold my hands through this journey. Day by day i knew you are the one who know me. You are my sister. Though it’s only about 1 year, but we’ve been through a lot. And I know, i won’t loose your hand till . Because love is decision. Love is commitment. Thanks to teach me a lot. Sorry if i hurt you a lot. Twit .

You know, I’m so proud of you. When i saw you, i saw a man. You know, I really grateful because you make me realize I’m home, with my family. I feel ashamed because I’m nothing and do nothing for you. There’s no doubt in my heart when i hear your words. I trust you. And i know, i can count on you. I know you are there. Love you.

I read again your message on my last birthday. It was so sweet. I cried that day and i thought you are the best gift in my 17th birthday. I’m so grateful to read that. This time, in sadness, i still can smile to read it again. Smile for hope. Hope for you will be what you said. I miss your laugh when you are with me. I miss your silly idea you show to me. I miss your funny stories that you told to me. I know you love me. But.. Well, i just want you to know, i’m afraid if I’m bothering you right now.  Love you.

I still pray for you. You know, i think it’s better here. In this position. Well, it’s hurt. So much. But i believe, time will heal my heart, and i hope, yours too. I believe i will enjoy this. Like the old days, watching you from distance. Watching you fly high to that sky. Though maybe i won't be up there.

Hey, I’m sorry. Yes, I’m a jerk. Though you don’t mad at me. Though you don’t say anything to me. But i know, you hurt so much because of me. Really, I’m sorry. I can’t say many promises to you. But one thing i know, i want to learn and learn again. I want to love you. Thanks for being my best friend.

To you, you don’t know how complicated you are. You know it, but you are not really know it. Don’t mess up your life by yourself. Don’t you think you can control everything. Don’t you think you are perfect. Yes, you did many troubles and you should regrets it. But don’t forget. There’s always a hope. Be strong. You are not alone.